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the 4 year old epitome of why I hate everything
2004-09-05 // 11:35 p.m.
So right now it feels like a fucking joke. Lexapro. Yea it's not working. I'm irritated, and I come home feeling okay but its only a little while before I feel so fucking frustrated I just want to scream I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE
and I feel like that would make the world happy. A little girl, probably about 4, flipped me off today and mouthed the words "fuck you bitch" and I felt like I deserved it. For looking at her, for smiling, because she was just staring and I thought she'd feel more comfortable if I smiled at her but instead she very purposefully flipped me off and said that.
And this is what life here is. I feel like everyone is flipping me off and saying "fuck you bitch"
J. was supposed to come hang out with me about a week ago, at least he said he was coming over to Adam but Adam was leaving so it was just supposed to be me and him hanging out but he never showed. FUCK YOU BITCH.
My mom hasn't responded to me. FUCK YOU BITCH.
I mailed my brother, but his email account is gone and he never gave me a new one, or his phone number, or his address, he was supposed to come by sometime but it never happened. FUCK YOU BITCH.
My coworkers are nice to my face, but Mike has let me know that I've been complained about FUCK YOU BITCH.
Marco hasn't sent me the address yet and he promised he would FUCK YOU BITCH
I joined a club. They were supposed to mail me. One guy was supposed to call me. The entire club has forgotten and I keep hearing FUCK YOU BITCH and all I'm trying to do is make friends who aren't saying FUCK YOU BITCH but its 10 kinds of hopeless and I just don't see the point.
Ugh. I give up. I can't do any more. I work my ass off and FUCK YOU BITCH is how I'm responded to. Honesty is overrated. I don't even know why I wrote this, like I want to remember.